Surprise Attacks Mar Peaceful Elections

From the Observanda wires:

Democratiists join NY al-Qaeda in Attack on WOT Stronghold

Friday, while the Bush Administration basked in the after-glow of successful Iraqi elections and rising poll numbers, NYal-Qaeda and Democratiist insurgents unleashed a planned and coordinated attack designed to derail the Patriot Act and further undermine the War on Terror.

Using familiar tactics, NYal-Qaeda initiated the attack with a vicious innuendo exploding device (VIED). Taking advantage of the ensuing chaos and smoke screen 40 Democratiist insurgents swept in with small arms fire and rancid propaganda grenades (RPG’s). Analysts described the insurgent tactics as "the classic filibuster maneuver. " The Democratiists insurgents were aided in the attack by four people wearing American uniforms. The four have been identified as Sen. John “the Sunni” Sununu, Sen. Lisa Muhammed, a convert, Sen. Chuck “the Palestinian” Hegel and Sen. Larry Craig al-Idaho.

Coalition Authorities are still assessing the damage but a spokesman said, “There’s a lot of smoke in the air and until it clears, we won’t know the full extent of the damage but we expect it will be light.”

Al-Jazeera reported that the insurgents later celebrated the attack:

"We killed the Patriot Act," boasted Minority Leader Hariri abu-Reid, Nevada Democratiist, to cheers from a crowd at a political rally. Sen. R.C. bin-Byrd, West Virginia another Democratiist, cited abuse at Abu Ghraib prison and Senator Ted Kennedy was heard railing against, “big brother run amok.”

Intelligence sources report that Kennedy has close ties to al-Qaeda and is thought to be a member of the Boston branch of the bin-Laden family.

The White House has announced a Presidential address to be broadcast Sunday night.